10 Common Ways the Patriarchy Disconnects Women From Who They Truly Are
Who am I? The Patriarchy’s Effect on Women’s Sense of Self
Even though many of the women we work with are considered successful by society’s standards, they don’t FEEL successful. Instead they feel disconnected, anxious and depressed.
While it can be tempting to only focus on “the problem” i.e. the anxiety, the relationship, the depression, etc….as holistic therapists we know these issues are manifestations of something deeper.
What we tend to find buried beneath years of patriarchal conditioning is the question, “Who am I really?” So if you’ve ever wondered this or felt like you don’t truly know yourself, you are not alone.
This is exactly what the patriarchy does. It tells us who and how to be and if you don’t fit into that predetermined box then you’re in danger of being excluded, shamed, harassed or physically harmed.
Check out the list below to see 10 common ways the patriarchy disconnects women from who they truly are:
Internalized Misogyny - the unconscious adoption of sexist beliefs and attitudes and perpetuating these beliefs against yourself and other women. This internalized sexism can cause intense self-criticism, low self-worth (aka self-esteem issues), competitiveness/comparison with other women, downplaying achievements and capabilities, low levels of self-trust, etc.
Body Image - the patriarchy sexualizes women’s bodies causing your body to not even feel like your own, not to mention, the patriarchy also imposes narrow, contradictory and unattainable beauty standards on women leading to body dissatisfaction, body dysphoria and low self-confidence and self-worth.
Imposter Syndrome - the persistent belief that your success is undeserved and the chronic fear of being exposed as a “fraud” is especially prevalent among women due to patriarchal conditioning. This ongoing self-doubt causes women to cope with overworking and perfectionism which actually erodes confidence and disconnects you from understanding your real capabilities and needs.
Limited Career Aspirations - the patriarchy causes people to internalize messages and mindsets that certain fields or positions are not suitable for them which leads to self imposed limitations on your career ambitions. The patriarchy also values certain careers and professions while devaluing others (i.e. teachers, nurses, therapists, artists, etc.) so even if you achieve major milestones in one of these careers you are underpaid and undervalued which can create feelings of shame and effect your sense of self-worth.
Emotional Labor - women are expected to be primary caregivers and emotional supporters in families and most all relationships. This pressure to prioritize everyone else’s emotional needs above your own leads to emotional exhaustion and self-neglect.
Violence and Fear - systems of patriarchy perpetuate and condone the control of and violence against women which creates an environment of fear and insecurity. Because of this, many women hesitate to assert themselves or express their truths which makes it incredibly hard for them to get what they need and go after what they want. When women suppress their voices they are suppressing their authentic selves which causes disconnection and host of other health issues.
Financial Dependence - economic systems in patriarchal societies favor men, leading to gender wage gaps and lesser economic independence for women. Financial dependence limits women’s choices and freedoms which in turn impacts their self-identity and agency.
Dependency on External Validation - many women end up relying heavily on external validation such as approval from men or society to feel worthy and successful because this is what we have been conditioned to do. Instead of turning inward, connecting deeply with ourselves and validating ourselves, we have been made to believe that we are not valuable or knowledgable which frames the idea of getting to know ourselves fruitless. Because of these deeply ingrained patriarchal beliefs like “I’m not good enough” and “I don’t matter” we keep turning toward others to validate our worth.
Gaslighting & Invalidation - women’s experiences and perceptions are dismissed and invalidated by patriarchal structures, leading to self-doubt and confusion (hell, women have not been studied in the medical field for ages and we wonder why we see so many women struggling with “female related” health conditions)
Limited Sense of Agency - patriarchal systems restrict women’s agency and autonomy (hello abortion bans) leading to feelings of powerlessness and lack of control over their own lives.
Remember, the patriarchy is a social system that was put in place ages ago in which men hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of property which automatically disconnects women from their true selves and abilities in numerous ways. So, if you are feeling disconnected from yourself and don’t know who you really are, give yourself some grace because this isn’t your fault. It’s the exact outcome the patriarchy wanted.
If you read until now (thank you!) you are probably feeling pretty angry which completely makes sense. We encourage you to let your anger be the trailhead to your healing, growth and expansion. AND you don’t have to go at it alone. We are here for you and helping women reconnect to themselves and their inner power is the work we LOVE to do.
If you’re ready to deeply know yourself and smash the patriarchy in the process, just click the “contact” tab in the upper right hand corner. We can’t wait to connect with you!
Connect with us for a consultation at info@bravecounseling.com or 720-923-3033.