Find Your Voice: Part 2: Releasing the Freeze and Fawn Responses – Regaining Confidence Through the Body (Copy)
As holistic therapists in Colorado, we often hear the women we work with say, “I just froze. I didn’t do or say anything” and, “”I didn’t agree with them, but I found myself nodding and smiling” followed by feelings of guilt and shame. Whether it’s in a conflict, a moment of fear, or even when faced with an exciting but overwhelming opportunity, freezing and fawning are of the most common stress responses – especially for women.
Freeze leaves us feeling stuck, unable to act, and disconnected from our power. Fawn, on the other hand, causes us to override our own needs in order to appease others. While these responses were originally designed to keep us safe, they can become habitual patterns that drain our confidence, prevent self-expression and keep us from getting what we need and want.
The good news? The body holds the key to moving beyond these patterns. In this post, we’ll explore the five stress responses, why freeze and fawn are so common for women, and embodiment techniques to shift from hesitation and people-pleasing into grounded confidence.
Understanding the Five Stress Responses
The nervous system responds to stress in five primary ways:
Fight - The body gears up to confront a threat. You might feel tension, heat, or an urge to vent, argue or defend yourself.
Flight - The body wants to escape. You might feel restless, anxious, or like you need to leave the situation.
Freeze - The body locks up, bracing for impact. You may feel heavy, foggy, numb, or unable to move, speak or get things done.
Fawn - The instinct to appease. You might automatically agree, over-apologize, or suppress your needs to maintain harmony.
Flop - A total collapse. You might feel emotionally shut down, disconnected, or physically weak.
All of these are survival mechanisms, not conscious choices. But when freeze or fawn become our default responses, they can make it difficult to assert boundaries, take action, or trust our instincts.
Why Freeze and Fawn Are So Common for Women
While anyone can experience any of the stress responses, freeze and fawn tend to be more common in women. The reason for this has some to do with biology, but it’s also deeply social. Patriarchal conditioning shapes how all genders experience safety, power, and expression, influencing everything from workplace culture to relationship dynamics.
For many women, freezing or fawning isn’t just a reflex – it’s a learned survival strategy. When direct confrontation (fight) or escape (flight) aren’t viable options, the nervous system defaults to the safest remaining choices: staying small (freeze) or appeasing (fawn).
How Patriarchal Conditioning Reinforces Freeze and Fawn
Patriarchy conditions people into rigid gender roles, where men are expected to be dominant and assertive, while women are often socialized to be accommodating, agreeable, and non-threatening. This messaging starts early and plays out in both personal and professional spaces:
In Work Culture: Power Dynamics and The “Likability Trap”
Women are often penalized for showing assertiveness or ambition in ways that men are not.
Research shows that when women advocate for themselves (higher pay, leadership roles), they’re seen as “difficult” or “aggressive”. This makes fawning – prioritizing relationships, de-escalating tension, and appearing agreeable – the safest response.
If a woman speaks up and is ignored or dismissed repeatedly, her nervous system may learn to freeze instead of engaging, believing it’s futile to assert herself.
In Relationships: Emotional Labor and Boundary Violations
Many women are raised to prioritize keeping the peace over setting boundaries. Fawning becomes second nature in order to maintain harmony, even at personal cost.
In conflict, if a woman has learned that expressing anger leads to backlash, being called “dramatic”, or that her “no” is often ignored, freezing becomes a protective mechanism to endure discomfort or try and keep connection.
In situations of coercion or abuse, freezing is a common survival response when fighting or leaving is impossible or creates more risks to safety.
Social Expectations: The Pressure to Be “Good”
Women are taught that being “nice” is more important than being authentic.
There’s an expectation to care for others before themselves, making it harder to recognize their own needs.
Being overly accommodating is often rewarded in families, schools, and workplaces, reinforcing fawning as a preferred response.
How it Hurts Everyone (Not Just Women)
While freeze and fawn are more common in women, patriarchy harms all genders by distorting natural stress responses.
Men are often discouraged from fawning or freezing, pushed instead toward fight/flight as “masculine” reactions. This can suppress emotional intelligence and encourage dominance over collaboration.
Non-binary and gender-diverse individuals face pressure (and sometimes violence) to conform to either side of these rigid roles, creating even more stress.
In workplaces, relationships, and communities, the imbalance of power keeps people disconnected from their authentic responses, reinforcing cycles of stress, burnout, and miscommunication.
Why This Matters for Healing
Understanding that freeze and fawn are conditioned, not just instinctive, allows us to approach healing differently. Instead of blaming ourselves for “not speaking up” or “always people-pleasing” we can recognize that these responses were once intelligent adaptations – and that we can gently unlearn them through body-centered tools that restore a sense of safety and choice.
While these patterns may have helped us in the past, they aren’t serving us in our daily lives now. The key to shifting them is working with the body first, rather than trying to force a mindset change alone.
By reconnecting with the body and practicing somatic (body-based) techniques that expand our ability to act, express, and set boundaries, we can move beyond the limitations of these conditioned responses. Healing freeze and fawn isn’t about forcing confidence – it’s about creating an internal environment where confidence feels safe.
Somatic Practices to Release Freeze & Fawn
Both freeze and fawn are states of disempowerment. To shift out of them, we need to reconnect with the body’s felt sense of safety, strength, and presence.
Orienting (great first step for freeze)- Look around and actually see if you are in danger, usually the case is “no” so let your brian and body know there is no life-or-death danger
Actually look all around you – look to the right, to the left, behind you, above you, below you, out in front and ask if you are in danger
Grounding Through the Feet (great for freeze and fawn) - When you feel frozen or overly focused on others, grounding helps you reconnect to yourself.
Stand with your feet hip-width apart and press them into the floor
Imagine roots growing from your feet into the earth.
Rock slowly from one foot to the other, feeling the shift in weight.
Shake It Off (great for freeze and fawn) - Shaking resets the nervous system and helps release stuck energy (both freeze and fawn responses are driven by over-activated energy).
Stand up and shake out your hands, arms, legs, and torso.
Imagine shaking off people-pleasing tendencies or moments where you felt stuck.
Breathe deeply and let out a sigh or sound as you shake.
Power Posing to Reclaim Confidence (great for fawn) - When fawning, the body often becomes smaller – shoulders round, posture shrinks. Power posing expands your presence.
Stand tall, feet planted, hands on hips or raised in a “victory” position.
Breathe deeply, feeling the strength in your stance.
Hold for two minutes, noticing any shifts in sensation or emotion.
Boundary Breathwork (great for fawn) - Fawning disconnects us from our own needs. This breath practice helps reclaim space.
Inhale deeply, imagining yourself filling up with energy.
Exhale slowly, visualizing an energetic bubble expanding around you.
Repeat for 3-5 breaths, reinforcing the feeling of personal space.
Tactile Anchoring to Reconnect (great for freeze and fawn) - Touch signals safety to the nervous system.
Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly, and breathe deeply.
Press your palms together or hug yourself gently.
Tap your arms and/or legs rhythmically to bring sensation back.
Bringing These Practices Into Daily Life
Healing from freeze and fawn isn’t about forcing confidence – it’s about building a sense of safety from within your own body.
If you tend to freeze, start with orienting to your surroundings, grounding, then gentle movement.
If you tend to fawn, practice power posing and boundary breathwork.
If you do both, experiment with what feels best in different situations.
By working with your body, you create new neural pathways of resilience. Over time, you’ll notice that moments of freeze and fawn become shorter, your ability to take action increases, and your confidence feels more natural and embodied.
The next time you feel yourself freezing or people-pleasing (aka fawning) remember: your body is not betraying you, it’s trying to protect you. By using these techniques you can guide your nervous system back into flow and reclaim your sense of power. Over time, you’ll notice more ease in speaking up, setting boundaries, and trusting your instincts.
Which of these practices do you want to try? Let us know by reaching out to us as info@bravecounseling.com – we’d be happy to support and guide you in reclaiming your voice and power!